To illustrate, Twenge points to driving. Some kids might feel ready at 12, others much  later, but as a society we commit to a legal driving age. She believes technology should work the same way. Sixteen, she argues, is an appropriate age because by then most teens are trusted with other responsibilities, like driving and getting around on their own. Research also suggests that older teens have stronger self-regulation skills, which helps them handle the distractions and pressures of smartphones more safely.

Additionally, Twenge recommends waiting until age 16 or later before letting kids use social media, which is later than the current legal minimum of 13.

“Sixteen is a nice compromise,” she said. “It’s based on the idea that by then, kids are beyond those intense middle school years, when friend pressures are strongest. They’re more confident in their identities and relationships, and they’re generally more mature and responsible.”

According to Kathy Do, Assistant Project Scientist with the California Institute for Law, Neuroscience and Education, teens are particularly sensitive to the addictive aspects of social media precisely because this is when they’re most attuned to social status.

“Peer relationships take on greater importance during adolescence relative to childhood and adulthood. The motivation and reward systems in the brain are more active during adolescence,” she said. “Teenagers show a strong brain response to social rewards — things like praise, attention and inclusion — and to social threats like rejection or being left out.”

The digital landscape has shifted dramatically since 2017. Back then, parents could hand a child a flip phone for calls and texts. Today, with smartphones dominating the market, a flip phone can feel impractical or socially isolating. As a middle ground, Twenge points to “light phones” that allow calling and texting but block access to social media, web browsers and potentially harmful apps. Some even come with preset restrictions, like banned dating apps or AI chatbots to give parents more peace of mind.

Tech free zones and real world freedom

Schools are already seeing positive results from phone bans, including students taking greater risks academically because they’re no longer anxious about other students recording permanent digital records of an embarrassing moment.

At home, Twenge encourages families to establish “no-phone zones” – times and places where devices are limited or off-limits. The most important of these, she argues, is the bedroom at night.

“I say in the book, if you’re going to stick with just one rule, make it that one,” said Twenge. “Just to preserve sleep, because it’s so important for physical and mental health.” Research consistently links late-night screen use to disrupted sleep, which in turn affects mood, learning and overall well-being.

Other no-phone zones might include family dinners or family vacations. Kids are more likely to buy in when parents model the same behavior. “A little bit of digital hypocrisy is okay, but you really do have to be a good role model,” Twenge explained. “If you’re going to say no phones at the family dinner table, then you have to follow that rule yourself as much as you possibly can.” Vacations can be trickier since kids often want to stay connected to friends. In those cases, Twenge suggests designating a short, predictable window for phone use, such as after dinner.

When phones are put away, parents can create space for what Twenge calls “real-world freedom.” This means encouraging kids to build independence, life skills and offline social connections. Examples include walking to school, biking to a friend’s house, running errands or helping out at home with chores like laundry or cooking. “And it’s great for parents too,” Twenge added, “because then you don’t have to cook that night.”

Is it too late for rules?

Ideally, stronger regulations would place more responsibility on the companies designing apps that keep users hooked. In the absence of such guardrails, much of the responsibility falls to parents.

“One of the biggest challenges of modern parenting is that you want to be loving but firm. [You get the best outcomes] when you can do both,” said Twenge. She added that parents can explain the reasoning behind their choices, though it won’t always stop kids from questioning the rules.

Many children already recognize when their own or their friends’ relationships with technology are unhealthy. “Whether it’s one-on-one or when I give talks at middle schools or high schools, that’s the general theme: they know this is a problem. They just don’t always know what to do about it, partially because they feel like all their friends are doing it,” Twenge said. Parents can help by giving kids language they can use with peers, such as “I may not text you back right away because I’m having family dinner” or “I have to keep my phone outside my bedroom when I go to sleep.”

For parents who introduced smartphones or apps before age 16, Twenge emphasizes that it’s not too late to make changes. “It’s a real myth that you can never go back. You absolutely can,” she said. The approach depends on a child’s age. For an 11-year-old with an unrestricted smartphone, she advises rolling back access by replacing it with a flip phone, a basic phone or even no phone at all. For a 15-year-old, parents might allow them to keep the device but add new guardrails.

“Put parental controls on it so they can’t download apps on their own,” Twenge suggested. “Then you have to have a conversation about why they want a certain app.”