LIFE SKILLS &VALUE EDUCATION – Class—XII -UNIT – 7 Effective Relationship

BUILDING UNDERSTANDING

The first relationships we have in our lives are with our immediate family, including our parents, siblings, and our grandparents. Next come aunts, uncles, and cousins, which can be counted as extended family. The earliest and closest bonds that we have go on to form the basis for all relationships we have as adults. If we have a secure, happy relationship with parents, there are higher chances of us having secure, healthy relationships with our spouse and friends, too. On the other hand, if the bonding with parents is not secure and caused anxiety in us as kids, we will carry forward that anxiety and insecurity into other relationships as well.

An average adult forms a number of relationships in his/her life-with friends, partner, partner’s family, colleagues, neighbours, their own children, and so on. All of these relationships serve a purpose. For instance, the relationship with one’s partner provides emotional and financial support, social security, a family structure etc. A relationship with friends is meant to be a place where one can express oneself and have fun, as well as do things related to shared interests. However, these examples are those of the ideal nature. In reality, not all relationships with friends or partner are fulfilling or supportive. Relationships that add anxiety and stress to your life are unhealthy relationships.

Relationships are an important aspect in determining a person’s mental health. Healthy, effective, or valuing relationships are supposed to give an individual a sense of comfort and joy instead of being a stressor. Healthy relationships can even act as a healing space for other issues in one’s life providing a sense of support. Strained or ineffective relationships, on the other hand, can drain the sense of joy out of a person and turn into an immense burden.

So how does one distinguish an effective, healthy relationship from an ineffective, unhealthy one? The main characteristics of an effective relationship are given below:

• Mutual respect: Both individuals should have respect for each other. This doesn’t only mean talking politely; it includes respect for each other’s ideas, values, and beliefs, even if they are different from your own.
• Trust: While it is not wise to trust someone blindly, there should be a basic level of trust between two people. If you doubt every reaction and action of a person, you cannot have a peaceful relationship with them. Similarly, if you feel that the other person doubts you, you will be on guard all the time around them.
• Good communication: This involves being able to exchange ideas and opinions clearly and calmly. If most conversations turn into arguments or clashes then the relationship is not healthy.
• Authenticity/Individuality: You should be able to feel comfortable enough around a person to speak and act in a way that comes naturally to you. If you constantly find yourself having to pretend for the sake of the other person, the relationship cannot be healthy or long-lasting.
• Fighting fair: It is normal to have differences of opinion. However, in an effective relationship, conflicts are solved calmly and not allowed to be dragged too much. Abusing, yelling, silent treatment, etc all mean that the relationship is unhealthy.

Benefits of Effective Relationships

• Better mental and physical health: Happy relationships with people ensure that our stress levels stay low, and this leads to better heart health and a stronger immune system. High stress caused by being in unhealthy relationships is harmful and can lead to anxiety, insomnia, and depression.
• Better mood overall: A person who is getting the required support and affection from their close relationships is more likely to be cheerful, optimistic, and more productive. A happier person is also less likely to fall ill and has higher levels of self-confidence.
• Quicker recovery in tough times: None of us have a challenge-free life. Having valuable and healthy relationships helps us face challenges in a stronger and more confident manner and also recover more quickly from setbacks. For example, if you happen to score poorly in your exams, and your parents, instead of yelling at you, support you through it, you will be more upbeat about your next exam.

FOR THE TEENAGER

Teenage is the time for understanding your own place in the world. Relationships formed at this age may make or break your future. However, power of judgement at this age may not be developed fully and one makes many mistakes in judging who would be a good friend and who wouldn’t. The important things to remember are:

• All of us make mistakes and sometimes end up trusting the wrong person who may hurt us or lead us to adopt bad habits.

• Once you realise your mistake, act on it immediately and take steps to protect yourself.

When trying to decide if a friend is genuine or not, ask yourself how you feel in their presence. If you feel comfortable, happy, and peaceful, you can continue to forge a relationship. However, if you feel uncomfortable or put down, or bullied, or that you have to pretend to be something you are not, or do things that you are not comfortable doing, you should immediately back off and stop trying to form any kind of relationship with such a person. At the same time, you must understand that even a good, healthy relationship will have conflicts and difference of opinion. The important thing is what the issues are and how they are sorted.

Healthy relationships with peers during teenage can be an important way to develop social skills, learn about other people, and grow emotionally. The kind of company you keep reveals your beliefs and value system. It also affects the choices you make for higher education, career, and in your personal life. Effective relationships help you cope with academic pressures, family issues, and any other personal struggles.

WAYS TO IMPLEMENT

There are all kinds of individuals in this world, and you are sure to come across many who you cannot get along with and many who become very important to you. Around some people, we feel naturally relaxed and joyful and these are people whom you should forge healthy relationships with. Besides this, you should also strive to make your existing relationships healthy and happy. In general, a few things you can do to create healthy relationships are:

• If you think there’s a chance that you are responsible for some of your relationships getting negatively affected, step back immediately and correct your mistake. Never hesitate to apologise if you have hurt someone.
• Allow yourself to learn from your mistakes and move forward rather than blaming yourself or looking at the relationship in a negative way. Think positively and give people benefit of doubt if some actions or words of theirs hurt you.
• Avoid becoming bitter about fights and disagreements. Try to make up as soon as possible and don’t act egoistically with loved ones.
• Do your best to maximize time spent with the friends and family you enjoy being around, and minimize interactions with those who aren’t as pleasant and who bring negativity into your life.
• In case it is impossible to avoid conflict, use relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, taking a walk, listening to music, etc to let go of the stress caused by other things that may affect you close relationships.
• Learn how to manage yourself around people you care about so that each interaction you have with them is joyful and loving. This will have a good impact on your health and life.

“Love creates an ‘us’ without destroyoing the ‘me”

-Leo Buscaglia

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