Life Skills & value Education – Class-IX – Unit 3: Bullying

Bullying happens when someone tries to trouble you, make you feel bad, or make you do things you do not want to do. Bullying is normally done on purpose to get a reaction and often happens, repeatedly. Bullies also bully by saying mean things to people or about them to others, or by leaving them out of group activities. Bullies may also hit, trip, push, take things from others or spoil or destroy their belongings, or try to make them do things to get them into trouble. The only purpose of bullying is to trouble someone and see them suffer. This gives the bully happiness and a feeling of power over those they are bullying. Bullying can occur anywhere- at home, in school, the park, the neighbourhood, at tuition class, etc., and can take a number of forms, from mild to the most extreme.

What happens at college level?

At college level, when you become adult, bullying is more common between senior and junior students rather than among the classmates. Few years down the line you will be adult and joining universities, colleges and industrial training institutes. When bullying occurs in colleges and universities, it is called ragging. There are many laws in our country against ragging. Various forms of bullying and ragging are:

Physical

It includes biting, choking, hair pulling, hitting, locking in a room, pinching, pushing, scratching, spitting or any other form of physical attack and frightening someone into doing something. It also includes damaging someone’s belongings.

Psychological

anti-bullying workshops during Life Skills class

The intention is to reduce someone’s self- confidence, self- esteem and make them feel alone and isolated. The person under attack suffers no physical abuse or harm. Psychological bullying can be verbal and non-verbal:

A. Verbal bullying- includes abusive phone calls, extorting money, using bad or abusive language, cruel remarks, name- calling, sending (often anonymous) hurtful notes or messages, spiteful teasing, and spreading malicious rumours.

B. Non- verbal bullying- can be direct or indirect. Direct non- verbal bullying often accompanies physical or verbal bullying. It includes making mean faces and rude gestures. This behaviour may not seem significant, but it can reinforce the ongoing bullying. Indirect non- verbal bullying is sly and cunning. It includes controlling and influencing relationships and ruining friendships, as well as purposely and systematically excluding, ignoring and isolating someone. Being bullied can affect you both, mentally and physically. it is important to know that even if you are not the one being bullied, just watching someone else get teased or pushed around can be upsetting.

How to protect yourself from bullying:

Understanding bullies:

It is said that to defeat the enemy, one should understand it first. If bullying is the enemy it is important to understand how bullies operate, and why they do what they do. Most bullies make others feel bad to make themselves feel better. If you understand how bullies operate, you will be better able to handle the problem of bullying.

1. Stick together- Bullies usually pick on those who spend a lot of time alone, or don’t seem to have many friends. So, find at least one other person to hang out and spend time with, to automatically reduce the likelihood of you being bullied. Often, a bully will avoid the bullying behaviour if the person they want to bully is with someone.

2. Act with confidence- Typically, only those considered weak are targeted by bullies. Even if you are not feeling confident in a specific situation, it is important to at least act confident so that you don’t attract the attention of potential or actual bullies.

3. Stand up for yourself and others- Bullies target those who are not likely to fight back against them. So we should stand up for ourselves when we are faced with bullying. When we speak up for what is right and let the bully know we refuse to be treated this way, the bully is more likely to avoid bullying us in the future. We must also stand up for other people who are being bullied to help and support them. A bystander is someone who watches something going on. When bullies realise that bystanders will stand up for those who can’t stand up for themselves, they become more likely to stop the bullying.

4. Talk to a trusted adult- One of the major reasons why bullying has become out of control is that adults, who can handle the problem and help find solutions to it, do not know about it. Talking to a trusted grown- up about a deeply troublesome issue, like being bullied, is not tattling. It is sharing and asking for help. The bully will also be helped if bullying is stopped. If you have been or are being bullied, despite trying the first three steps, you know that you have not been able to solve the problem yourself, and need help. If you don’t share the problem with an adult, it will not get solved instead it is likely to become more serious.

5. Treat everyone with respect- The golden rule is to treat others with the same respect you expect from them. It may seem unbelievable, but the bully needs to be respected too. The bully usually bullies because they feel they are not getting enough importance in their own lives. Try to befriend the bully. at first, they may not be open to your friendly gestures, but they often realise with time that it is more fun to be friends with others rather than to bully them.

6. Determine clear boundaries – We are always teaching others how to treat us. For example, if people make unreasonable demands of you, and you continue to do what they say, they will continue to tell you what to do. Worse, their demands will become more and more unreasonable. If you don’t tell a bully that they should stop, how will they learn to treat you as you want to be treated? When you assert yourself and let a bully know that it is not okay to treat you in a certain manner, you are letting them know that you won’t tolerate disrespectful behaviour and bullying.

7. Fight back correctly- Most children who are bullied turn into bullies themselves. This is because they want to make up for the feeling of powerlessness, and to feel the same sense of power the bully experienced. However, this is not the right way to fight back against the bully. A much better way is to set your boundaries and walk away from the behaviour. You should definitely avoid trying to bully them on account of getting revenge. Just because someone has done these things to you, doesn’t make it OK for you to do it to them or to other children, to make yourself feel better.

8. Avoid bullies- It may seem that avoiding bullies is allowing them to win it is not. On the contrary, it is an effective way to handle the bullying. When bullies do not have anyone to bully, they cannot continue to behave in this manner. It is best to avoid places where bullies typically hang out or where problems often occur. Sometimes, you may need to go through these areas. Take a trusted adult or a friend along to make sure you are not alone in places you are likely to meet bullies.

9. Simple walk away- One of the most effective and simple things to do is to walk away from the bully. There is a limit to how far and how often the bully will follow you to continue the bullying. In fact, try to go to places where there are others you can be with.

10. Make the time to go to do things you enjoy- whether it is a recreational activity, learning something new, reading, writing, or anything else, do things you enjoy. It will not make the bullying stop, but you will feel good about yourself, and it will help keep your spirits up.

11. Educate yourself about bullying- Read as much as you can about bullying to learn how others have coped with it. It will also help you know that others have experienced it and have developed ways to cope with it. Ultimately, it has to stop, but till then, knowing more will give you more ways to act and react around bullies. The first step towards preventing bullying is to check whether or not you yourself are a bully. Take your friends’ opinions on whether they think you are a bully. But, if you are a bully yourself, then who will bell the cat?

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